Oh hello! It's been ages since I was here last time wow! Actually it's been almost a year now. So...I don't even know where to start. Sooo many things had happened. First of all: I entered a university! Yep, I am studying languages and I love it. I have some new friends here, they are really nice people. I have a new favourite band and it's Twenty One Pilots yay! Love them. I now have two favorites bands, the first one is My Chemical Romance if you remember. I love music. Oh and I have a guitar now! Which is so cool. I bought it this summer, but the funniest and the saddest part about it is that I can't play it, it's ridiculous. Yeah, a lot of things have changed...But I'm still sad, I am mostly sad, I'm sad 80% of my last 7 years. I am 19 years old btw. I feel young and old at the same time. I have this weird feelings recently. Life is so weird. I am still depressed. Depression is not going away, feels like I will never get rid of it and it feels like that none is actually understands me. It's like I'm just talking with myself. I always have these deep conversations with myself. Maybe it's funny. But I feel like I have none with I could just sit and talk about everything. Even though I'm surrounded by a lot of people I still feel lonely. Completely lonely. But it's not always bad. I love being lonely sometimes. And you know what? I think I lost control over my life. I am forced to do things I don't want to do. For example: to get married with a person I don't love. Wow cool isn't? It's pretty serious. Marrying a person you don't love can actually destroy your whole existence. And I don't want to be destroyed. Things like this make me even more depressed. Sometimes it seems that the colour of my life is grey. I still love rains though. The actual rains. It is raining right now. It's been raining for two day already and things like this make me a little happier. I haven't lost faith. Even though I still have this big black hole in my soul I still have this tiny little hope hiding inside of me. I have plans. A lot of plans. I want to have a trip to Scotland. I love Scotland. I don't know if I will ever have a chance to go there. Probably it's just another chimera, a pipe dream. I don't know. Anyway I'll try to keep myself self alive and keep dreaming. Btw I've met John today. We help each other to learn languages. He seems to be a nice guy. Anyway I hope my life will look better soon. Bye.
