Grey

Oh hello! It's been ages since I was here last time wow! Actually it's been almost a year now. So...I don't even know where to start. Sooo many things had happened. First of all: I entered a university! Yep, I am studying languages and I love it. I have some new friends here, they are really nice people. I have a new favourite band and it's Twenty One Pilots yay! Love them. I now have two favorites bands, the first one is My Chemical Romance if you remember. I love music. Oh and I have a guitar now! Which is so cool. I bought it this summer, but the funniest and the saddest part about it is that I can't play it, it's ridiculous. Yeah, a lot of things have changed...But I'm still sad, I am mostly sad, I'm sad 80% of my last 7 years. I am 19 years old btw. I feel young and old at the same time. I have this weird feelings recently. Life is so weird. I am still depressed. Depression is not going away, feels like I will never get rid of it and it feels like that none is actually understands me. It's like I'm just talking with myself. I always have these deep conversations with myself. Maybe it's funny. But I feel like I have none with I could just sit and talk about everything. Even though I'm surrounded by a lot of people I still feel lonely. Completely lonely. But it's not always bad. I love being lonely sometimes. And you know what? I think I lost control over my life. I am forced to do things I don't want to do. For example: to get married with a person I don't love. Wow cool isn't? It's pretty serious. Marrying a person you don't love can actually destroy your whole existence. And I don't want to be destroyed. Things like this make me even more depressed. Sometimes it seems that the colour of my life is grey. I still love rains though. The actual rains. It is raining right now. It's been raining for two day already and things like this make me a little happier. I haven't lost faith. Even though I still have this big black hole in my soul I still have this tiny little hope hiding inside of me. I have plans. A lot of plans. I want to have a trip to Scotland. I love Scotland. I don't know if I will ever have a chance to go there. Probably it's just another chimera, a pipe dream. I don't know. Anyway I'll try to keep myself self alive and keep dreaming. Btw I've met John today. We help each other to learn languages. He seems to be a nice guy. Anyway I hope my life will look better soon. Bye.

New Page

Ok. So recently quite many things had happend. 

First of all - I finelly finished shcool. Yaas! I did it!I feel freedom! I can smell it! It's a good feeling. But I still have to go to a university though.If you ever finished school you now what I'm talking about. Things are never gonna be the same. It's like a new page in your life story and I like it. It's like you have a chance to start all over again and not to fuck it up this time haha. I will try.

Aaaand I'm thinking on losing some weight. Just a little bit. Just want to be cool for the summer. I am tired of being a shameful loser all the time. So I need to start from something. And losing some weight would be nice. Probably this summer I will take some art classes too. Who knows. By the way I've got herpes today ew. And I would like to get more healthier so yeah. I will start to drink more water and do at least one exersise a day. My little sister is abroad now. She'll come back later. 

So that's all I wanted to say. Probably I will add something later.

Bye!)

I'm done.

I haven't been writing for awhile. So, not too many things had happend though. 

I had a quarrel with my kind of best friend. Than we fixed it and we friends again. She had a birthday too. At one moment I felt like I got a bit closer with my another friend. But I don't think it is for a long time. She is a good friend though. I am a bit depressed but that's ok.

But the saddest part is that mom had a surgery. They cut out her uterus, because she had a tumor. I am so sorry. That's quite much. She feels bad now. I'm trying to support her.

Also my final exams are coming. They are so close. I'm afraid. I'm not ready yet. I have only about 4 months to get ready. It's not enough. I'm done. Bye.

Writing helps.

Well, this blog is such a weird thing for me to be honest.  I'm not into

writing at all! I tried to write things down whole my life. It was such a

lame. I had two diaries. And I never used them properly. I always had

something to say though.  My cousin and my sibling are quite good

at writing. They're always create some interesting stories. And my

friend is like a pro. She writes fan fictions. They're really good. I am

more into reading. I really enjoy reading some articles, blogs, like,

everything. But I noticed that I enjoyed writing a lot while I was

writing it. Writing helps you to understand yourself,  to understand

the way of your thoughts. In real life we are not confident enough

to say lot's of things. We don't want to be judged. In internet you

can do it freely.  Off course there still be people who will judge you.

But still there also people who will support you, you opinions,  your view

on the world, there always will be someone who thinks exactly the

same thing about something. Off course these people can be in real life

too, but they are not always around us or we just haven't met them

yet.

So I hope this blog will help me to realize a lot about myself. Thanks.  Bye. 

Little about me.

Hmm...so hi there! I am Caroline and I'm 17. I'm bad at writing and English isn't even my native language but anyway. I decided to start this blog just because I wanted to experience new things in life, yes, this blog is a new thing for me. It's a new starting of a new year so I want it to be great. I didn't experienced great, unbelievable things in life yet, my life is quite boring, but still not too much though. I'm from Russia, from a very small town. It's so small that I don't even want to name lol. I have a very small list of friends and good taste in music ( I think so lmao). I love bands and my favourite is My Chemical Romance (they are legends!). Well, I love music in general, can't live a day without listening to it. Love reading books, though I don't always have enough time for it (or I'm just too lazy :p). I still don't have a favourite book though. Looking for it. Love languages sa well)) though I'm still bad at English lol sorry. I'm quite depressed kid. But still I like to laugh a lot. I like fogs and rains a lot! Still didn't decided am I a dog or a cat person. Sometimes I find myself gross for no reason. I like to imagine things. I'm a dreamy person. Always imagine myself in different lives. School makes me more depress. I should prepare for my finals and I hate it. Enything else? I told you my life is quite boring. So I think it's enough for now. You are not interested anyway. Bye.